Palmerston Hotel - South Melbourne 12/11/2010

"Voted Victoria's number One Parmagiana", a placard on the side of the building proclaims. The printed menu also proudly carries this testament to quality. Unfortunately upon sampling the famed number one parma, the sad reality came crashing down around us. While the fillet was well cooked and the parma had a good overall flavour, the ham was barely noticeable, and inspection by a fellow diner confirmed the "napoli" to be nothing more than a thick smear of tomato paste. Points also lost for the crumbing not fully covering the fillet, which was noted on several of our parmas.




Note: parma ordered without salad.

Why?
Excellent fillet.

Why not?
Average chips.
Smear of tomato paste instead of Napoli.
Soggy fillet base.

3/5
$18

K on Hay - Perth CBD 4/11/2010

Now this was a fantastic surprise. I didn't have very high expectations for this room service parma from the hotel restaurant when ordering, and upon arrival its appearance didn't thrill me on first sight. Cutting into the fillet for the first time howeve revealed a moist, perfectly cooked chicken breast, with the added extra of the coating appearing to be actual chicken stuffing mix! Ham, napoli and cheese were top notch, rather than just attending to make up the numbers. Perfectly balanced layers of each ingredient. Despite the parma on chips placement, the chips were still crisp and fresh.

Had the chips been given some special garnish, and the meal been plated according to the no parma on chips rule, this would have earned a 5/5.

Why?
Salad isolated from the main meal, amazing stuffing style coating, great fillet, great balance of ham/napoli/cheese.

Why not?
The chips were just chips, time consuming trip to Perth required for one parma.

4/5
$24

Feinans - Perth CBD 2/11/2010

Should you be in the centre of Perth and feel a craving for a slab of processed chicken (possibly fresh from the microwave), then this is the place to be. There was no real flavour to the chicken nor the Napoli; in fact it was really just a chicken fillet with a layer of cheese on top, and the cheese was really the dominant flavour here. As for the Napoli, the cook may as well have rubbed half a tomato across the fillet before sending it out, such was the lack of impact from it's flavour.

Why?
Decent chips

Why not?
Processed fillet, flavourless Napoli, too much generic tasting cheese.

2/5
$20

Elephant & Wheelbarrow - Melbourne CBD 23/9/2010

Elephant and Wheelbarrow. Stakes were high for this parma, seeing as it had been recommended by a co-worker. Unfortunately, I must have ordered mine on an off night. The meal that was brought to me consisted of a dry, almost flavourless fillet, woeful napoli but quite a good amount of cheese. Perhaps almost too much.

A solitary bonus point for the parma not being served on top of the chip portion.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 2
Bonus 1

Total 7/12
($19.90)

Timeout - Melbourne CBD (Federation Square) 26/9/10

They say that good company can make a bad meal better. They may actually have said nothing or the sort, or I just made up that particular pearl of wisdom. Either way, the statement is a blatant lie, as proven by my experiences at Timeout in the past. During each dining experience I have been surrounded with people whose company and insight I respect and enjoy, however each meal has been a monstrous abomination. It is as though the management of this particular establishment are so beholden to sheer profit that they are quite happy to make use of their excellent location, and provide subpar service and shoddy meal quality for more money than it is worth to the customer. Call me a fool for continuing to hope that their game plan changes.

Major points detracted for not being provided with a decent fillet; this parma is a composite of other random chicken segments, mashed together and bound with a rather unappealing coating. The chips were good, however parma atop chip placement lost them full marks. The aioli offered was absolute garbage and thus lost out on any bonus points. Nothing special about the sauce or cheese either.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 5/12
($20)

Cafe Adiamo - Melbourne CBD 29/8/10

Crunchy coating and devoid of ham. Chips were unsalted and boring. Cheese and Napoli topping lacked any discernible flavour. The fillet itself seemed to have been taken out from under the heat lamp 5 minutes before serving, had some cheese slapped on top and then placed under the griller for a few minutes too many.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 0
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 4/12
($17.50)

Melbourne Lion Bar - Melbourne Central 12/8/10

So, Thursday night brought me back to the Melbourne Lion. I'd been sitting outside the establishment for a while waiting for J2, listening to the noise being generated by the pub rabble, and wondering if it would actually be worth going down the street to get some Chinese food instead of coming back here for a Parma which had in the past brought me nothing by tears and misery. Before I had made up my mind on the matter, my partner in crime arrived. After listening to my rambling judgement on the dangers posed by loud-mouthed drunken hooligans, she assured me that she was in fact just as much of a bar room menace as anyone that we might encounter that evening. With my confidence sufficiently boosted, I boldly charged forward (as the man does) into the gaping mouth of the Lion.

We took our seats, I ordered our meal, and we sat sipping coke together making pleasant small talk. None of this dulled the memory of my last visit here, which resulted in my consumpiton of a sadly average Parma; naturally hopes were not high for the meals which soon wound their way towards us in the hands of a member of the bar staff. Little did I know that I was about to be pleasantly surprised. Aside from the chips (which were not flavoured at all and seated underneath the chicken fillet), the rest of the plate was excellent. The salad placement did not interfere with the chips and fillet; there was no hint of wandering dressing to soak the main course. The fillet itself was flavoursome, with the perfect sized slice of ham and enough Napoli to provide a flavour balance to the chicken, but not enough to swamp the dish. Had the chips been salted (bare minimum), this would have earned a 4.5, but for tonight, the highest score I can give this dish is a 4

Now if only Groove Train tried to arrest their downward spiral and took up the challenge to revisit their Parma recipe and bring a little competition to the Melbourne Central Parma scene...

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 2
Ham 2
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 9/12
($20.00)