Palmerston Hotel - South Melbourne 12/11/2010

"Voted Victoria's number One Parmagiana", a placard on the side of the building proclaims. The printed menu also proudly carries this testament to quality. Unfortunately upon sampling the famed number one parma, the sad reality came crashing down around us. While the fillet was well cooked and the parma had a good overall flavour, the ham was barely noticeable, and inspection by a fellow diner confirmed the "napoli" to be nothing more than a thick smear of tomato paste. Points also lost for the crumbing not fully covering the fillet, which was noted on several of our parmas.




Note: parma ordered without salad.

Why?
Excellent fillet.

Why not?
Average chips.
Smear of tomato paste instead of Napoli.
Soggy fillet base.

3/5
$18

K on Hay - Perth CBD 4/11/2010

Now this was a fantastic surprise. I didn't have very high expectations for this room service parma from the hotel restaurant when ordering, and upon arrival its appearance didn't thrill me on first sight. Cutting into the fillet for the first time howeve revealed a moist, perfectly cooked chicken breast, with the added extra of the coating appearing to be actual chicken stuffing mix! Ham, napoli and cheese were top notch, rather than just attending to make up the numbers. Perfectly balanced layers of each ingredient. Despite the parma on chips placement, the chips were still crisp and fresh.

Had the chips been given some special garnish, and the meal been plated according to the no parma on chips rule, this would have earned a 5/5.

Why?
Salad isolated from the main meal, amazing stuffing style coating, great fillet, great balance of ham/napoli/cheese.

Why not?
The chips were just chips, time consuming trip to Perth required for one parma.

4/5
$24

Feinans - Perth CBD 2/11/2010

Should you be in the centre of Perth and feel a craving for a slab of processed chicken (possibly fresh from the microwave), then this is the place to be. There was no real flavour to the chicken nor the Napoli; in fact it was really just a chicken fillet with a layer of cheese on top, and the cheese was really the dominant flavour here. As for the Napoli, the cook may as well have rubbed half a tomato across the fillet before sending it out, such was the lack of impact from it's flavour.

Why?
Decent chips

Why not?
Processed fillet, flavourless Napoli, too much generic tasting cheese.

2/5
$20

Elephant & Wheelbarrow - Melbourne CBD 23/9/2010

Elephant and Wheelbarrow. Stakes were high for this parma, seeing as it had been recommended by a co-worker. Unfortunately, I must have ordered mine on an off night. The meal that was brought to me consisted of a dry, almost flavourless fillet, woeful napoli but quite a good amount of cheese. Perhaps almost too much.

A solitary bonus point for the parma not being served on top of the chip portion.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 2
Bonus 1

Total 7/12
($19.90)

Timeout - Melbourne CBD (Federation Square) 26/9/10

They say that good company can make a bad meal better. They may actually have said nothing or the sort, or I just made up that particular pearl of wisdom. Either way, the statement is a blatant lie, as proven by my experiences at Timeout in the past. During each dining experience I have been surrounded with people whose company and insight I respect and enjoy, however each meal has been a monstrous abomination. It is as though the management of this particular establishment are so beholden to sheer profit that they are quite happy to make use of their excellent location, and provide subpar service and shoddy meal quality for more money than it is worth to the customer. Call me a fool for continuing to hope that their game plan changes.

Major points detracted for not being provided with a decent fillet; this parma is a composite of other random chicken segments, mashed together and bound with a rather unappealing coating. The chips were good, however parma atop chip placement lost them full marks. The aioli offered was absolute garbage and thus lost out on any bonus points. Nothing special about the sauce or cheese either.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 5/12
($20)

Cafe Adiamo - Melbourne CBD 29/8/10

Crunchy coating and devoid of ham. Chips were unsalted and boring. Cheese and Napoli topping lacked any discernible flavour. The fillet itself seemed to have been taken out from under the heat lamp 5 minutes before serving, had some cheese slapped on top and then placed under the griller for a few minutes too many.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 0
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 4/12
($17.50)

Melbourne Lion Bar - Melbourne Central 12/8/10

So, Thursday night brought me back to the Melbourne Lion. I'd been sitting outside the establishment for a while waiting for J2, listening to the noise being generated by the pub rabble, and wondering if it would actually be worth going down the street to get some Chinese food instead of coming back here for a Parma which had in the past brought me nothing by tears and misery. Before I had made up my mind on the matter, my partner in crime arrived. After listening to my rambling judgement on the dangers posed by loud-mouthed drunken hooligans, she assured me that she was in fact just as much of a bar room menace as anyone that we might encounter that evening. With my confidence sufficiently boosted, I boldly charged forward (as the man does) into the gaping mouth of the Lion.

We took our seats, I ordered our meal, and we sat sipping coke together making pleasant small talk. None of this dulled the memory of my last visit here, which resulted in my consumpiton of a sadly average Parma; naturally hopes were not high for the meals which soon wound their way towards us in the hands of a member of the bar staff. Little did I know that I was about to be pleasantly surprised. Aside from the chips (which were not flavoured at all and seated underneath the chicken fillet), the rest of the plate was excellent. The salad placement did not interfere with the chips and fillet; there was no hint of wandering dressing to soak the main course. The fillet itself was flavoursome, with the perfect sized slice of ham and enough Napoli to provide a flavour balance to the chicken, but not enough to swamp the dish. Had the chips been salted (bare minimum), this would have earned a 4.5, but for tonight, the highest score I can give this dish is a 4

Now if only Groove Train tried to arrest their downward spiral and took up the challenge to revisit their Parma recipe and bring a little competition to the Melbourne Central Parma scene...

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 2
Ham 2
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 9/12
($20.00)

Sherlock Holmes - Melbourne CBD 25/6/2010

Of the many Parmas sampled at the Sherlock Holmes, this has by far been the worst. In previous visits the meals presented usually instilled with a longing to return, but it was not to be last Friday. Upon completion of the dining experience, I was left with a longing to have been presented with chips bearing some kind of flavour (these seemed to not even have been salted), and a napoli sauce which had a bite to it, rather than just taste like tomato puree. On the plus side, the fillet was excellent and the presentation of the ham (sliced up and sprinkled on top) was a welcome change to the standard blueprint. The inclusion of a strange dark swirl (as seen in the photo above) may have been the chefs attempt at some kind of artistic flair; unfortunately the meal itself needs to be excellent before trying to add spice through presentation.

A final displeasing note: the garlic and cheese bread entree which we ordered appeared on the table a good 5 minutes after our main meal plates had been cleared away, which I interpreted as nothing less than a slap in the face following the halfassed presentation of the main meal.

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 1
Ham 2
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 8/12
($19.00)

Mystery Parma - ???? 13/03/10

Ok I have NO idea where this Parma is from. I recalled having a Parma image on my phone which I took a while back but never reviewed, but cannot remember where this meal was purchased. Does this jog anyone's memory?

The Lounge - Melbourne CBD 7/5/2010

Let's get down to basics. All the main ingredients where here, and done great justice. This was a really good fillet, with perfect amounts of sauce, cheese and a thin slice of ham. The fillet may have been overcooked for some, but for me it had that pure white (not racist), slightly dry texture which i come to expect from a finely cooked piece of breast. This came close to earning the mantle of ParmaPerfection had it not been for two flaws: The first was the obvious "parma lying on a bed of chips" faux pax, also known as "what the hell is that doing on THERE??", and the second being the slightly odd use of heavy layers of pepper being used to season the chips. I was not sure if this was part of the Lounge "signature" or if the chips had been sent for post production to an inexperienced assistant whose level of competence was up to the "trying to work out what all the funny knobs on the stove are used for" level.

Thanks to Leemond for the use of his phonewithaflash, and for the pic.

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 2
Ham 2
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 9/12
($18.90)

NCL Pride of America - approx 19° 43' N 155° 5' W 13/4/10

Nothing quite beats a Parma while out on the open ocean. The addition of spaghetti was momentarily upsetting, however it did not detract from the overall experience. Sadly, the fillet was not a prime breast fillet; this was far more scarring than the appearance of pasta.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 0
Bonus 1 point for being served in the middle of the ocean

Total 5/12
($15 US as part of a 3 course meal)

Big Mouth - St Kilda 12/2/10

Here we go, quality at last. All that was missing here was a larger serving of chips. Parma was slightly overcooked, but flavour was excellent. Ignore the premium pricing and check it out.

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 2
Ham 2
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 9/12
($??)

Groove Train - Melbourne Central 5/2/2010

I once spoke highly of Groove Train and their meals. Then they started down the slippery slope from excellence to mediocrity, and now down into a mush of chicken, weird orange coloured napoli and a lack of ham (which you need to pay extra to get).

Fillet 0
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 0
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 3/12
($??)

Marine Hotel - Brighton 3/2/10

Decent Pub Parma, nothing special but it ticks all the right boxes.

Fillet 1.5
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 5.5/12
($??)

Commercial Hotel - Yarraville 29/1/10

Amazing value, and well flavoured. Soggy coating however, and a few more chips could not have hurt. Clientele were both fascinating and frightening, as with most things in the Deep West.

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 2
Ham 2
Chips 1
Bonus 2 (Company, setting and value)

Total 11/12
($9)

Waterside Hotel - Melbourne 26/1/10

Soggy chips and a mishmash of a fillet.

Fillet 0
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 4/12
($16.50

Gertrude Hotel - Fitzroy 9/1/10

Not bad, decent amount of cheese. Fillet was rubbery and the chips only sent their sick and frail to represent the cause. Huge chunks of onion in the Napoli did not bode well.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1.5
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 5.5/12
($??)

Pepperoni's - 18/12/09

What a shame. If this "restaurant" has not been so well lit I may have mistaken the crunch of burnt crumbs in my mouth for cockroach carapaces as I munched on this dry, flavourless chicken patty.

Fillet 0
Cheese 0
Napoli 0
Ham 0
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 1/12
($??)

Rocksalt - Brighton. 5/12/09

Bonus points for salad being in it's own bowl, and points for providing wedges instead of chips. No ham but copious amounts of cheese for people who might be that way inclined.

Fillet 2
Cheese 2
Napoli 2
Ham 0
Chips 2
Bonus + 1.5 for the wedges + salad in bowl

Total 9.5/12
($??)

Melbourne Lion Bar - Melbourne Central 3/12/09

Decent fillet, good flavour. Poor chip placement and woeful salad.

Fillet 1
Cheese 1
Napoli 1
Ham 1
Chips 1
Bonus 0

Total 5/12
($??)